Since I am running my own little business, I spend most of my times here at bysheluth.blogspot.com. Please visit me there and say hi! Thank you!
Saturday, 16 August 2014
Tuesday, 13 May 2014
I loved you first: but afterwards your love
Outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song
As drowned the friendly cooings of my dove.
Which owes the other most? my love was long,
And yours one moment seemed to wax more strong;
I loved and guessed at you, you construed me
And loved me for what might or might not be –
Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong.
For verily love knows not ‘mine’ or ‘thine;’
With separate ‘I’ and ‘thou’ free love has done,
For one is both and both are one in love:
Rich love knows nought of ‘thine that is not mine;’
Both have the strength and both the length thereof,
Both of us, of the love which makes us one.
Monday, 12 May 2014
There's beauty in every first time. Mixtures of joyous, anxious, and curious create an epitome of happiness. After experienced it, I guess its worth more than a birthday celebration. It's about being appreciated on every tiny little things that you do as a mother, housewife, house manager, cleaner, and so on.
So a little reminder to all husbands out there. Take time, appreciate your wife. Say 'Happy Mother's day darling' would be enough. If you are capable of splashing some money, then take her out somewhere. Make her feel appreciated because trust me, she will only work harder next time to be even greater. Give her your best, then you will get the best.
To all mothers out there. Make pledges. Aim for the better, OK.
I celebrated mothers' day with a pledge to be a great mother to my son.
P/S: Rai dah tumbuh gigi hari ni. Mama excited macam Rai dah boleh berjalan :)
P/S: Rai dah tumbuh gigi hari ni. Mama excited macam Rai dah boleh berjalan :)
Saturday, 10 May 2014
I have a beautiful marriage with the most wonderful man I've ever met. Having a thought of carrying his gene inside me is a euphoria. He is an angel doomed from heaven, blessed with "Drop dead gorgeous" face, I bless my lucky star! Our marriage was blessed just a few days after Kak long's wedding, when I intentionally had a pregnancy test after receiving a few biological signals from my body. I thought my body was rebelling against its host for over working but paradoxically, we were granted with good news. I am pregnant! Alhamdulillah, all praises to the Almighty. Yeay, little Lutfi is coming!
The good news came with a big price. I suffered a terrible allergy during the first and second trimester. It was a challenging period both physically and emotionally. The sickness is 24/ 7. The hormonal war inside my body brought nothing but a stroke of depression. During that period, there's nothing I can do except clinging to Allah and my beloved husband. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes Mellitus (GDM) and Anemia which is quite common among pregnant ladies. Both usually dissappear once the baby was born. For GDM, I was consulted to control my diet and for the latter I was instructed to double my Iron intake. However, I can't cope well with the after taste effect of Iron.
Due to GDM, I need to be checked up at Hospital Sultanah Nur Zahirah (HSNZ) on my 38th week of pregnancy. It is a clinic policy that all GDM mommies will be transferred to HSNZ for further check up. So, on my 38th week, I went there with my husband. Please take note that when you were transferred to HSNZ for checked up means you have to stay there. So gear up with your luggage, OK. I asked the nurse whether is it possible to postpone the inducement since I am in the pink of health. It is not fair to induce me since all tests turn out OK. Blood is OK, urine is OK, CTG is OK, everything is perfect except the GDM. The nurse said in most cases, you will be induced if you have GDM. If the expert says that you need to be induced, so you will meet your baby sooner than the expected date. OK, I am nervous. Plus, I am not ready. I thought I will be going through some checks up with the expert, never cross my mind that I will be induced and meet my baby on the next day. Yeay baby, but hey, too much to absorb in one evening. That night, I call my husband, asking for dua'. He performed solah hajat, so do I. The last resort is to put the rest on Him because He knew what is the best for us. If I have to be induced, I believe that this is the best for everyone especially for my baby. So that night, I met three doctors. A pretty lady with two gentlemen on her side. She said bla bla bla, so the inducement is tomorrow morning. Gulp.
"So I am going to talk about the procedure..."
"Excuse me, urm, can I postpone the date? Mine is GDM diet controlled, all tests are OK, I feel OK, so if possible, I want to postpone the date and let the pain came naturally"
They checked my red book and have a chit chat among them. Bla bla bla bla.
"Everything is OK, so lets see the scanning. If the ultrasounds is OK, then you are free to go home and come back next week on your 39th week"
Oh my, Alhamdulillah. Big yeay! I texted my husband, and this was his response. I intentionally saved this message, hehe.
"Alhamdulillah! Allahuakbar! Thank you Allah. Tapi kalau lepas scan pun kena induce gak, kita redha je la k. At least dah puas hati sebab doktor check dulu sebelum decide"
So I went home and continue drink coconut's water and ate durians. Yes. I think I drank coconut's water for almost two months before I deliver my baby. Some said that your baby will came out clean and neat. I guess it's true since my baby was all fair and neat when the first time our eyes met. My husband shared the same thought. The durians? Well, it's just my craving, nothing much.
Saturday, 7th of September 2013, I went to HSNZ again with my husband. Checked in ward and went through the same procedure. That evening, the doctors on duty came to my bed, reviewing my red book, and said, "...so the inducement will be tomorrow morning. Usually around 8 am". I start my bargain to postpone, as I want the baby to come out when he wish to come out. I wish the pain to come naturally without inducement. Well this time, I failed. The doctors said it is risky to overdue the inducement since I have GDM. With mixed feelings, I accepted the inducement. So pang! The adrenaline rushed out. The motor system trembling. My body refused to hold it any longer. So here it comes! *drum rolls* Heavy rain in my bed. Which is continued in the toilet of course. Tear is good you know. It washed away all the unnecessary emotion in you. Scared, nervous, and et cetera. After a while, I am in my best condition to embrace this whole new experience.
Sunday, 8th of September 2013. As scheduled, I was induced by using a pill, inserted in my lower part. It happened so fast, it's like, a second ago the doctor put the pill in, then a second after that, walla, it's done. Now go go go to your bed. Lie, rest, and let the pain begin. It was around 8 am when I was induced, and not almost an hour, I started to feel slightly cold on my thighs. Not long after that, my stomach started to feel pain. Urm, is this contraction? People said it felt like period pain. So I guess this is the contraction. Urm, not as painful as I thought. It's bearable.
Well, to told the truth, it's not even close to the real contraction. What I felt before is not a contraction. Maybe a minor one since my cervix has responded to the pill.
The pain stop before noon. I was nervous because in order for the cervix to open, I should feet the pain. No pain means no opening, right? At 2 pm, another doctor on duty came. If the cervix is not responding to the previous pill, another pill will be inserted. The amount of pills inserted is vary among patient. It depends on how sensitive is your body to the pill. I laid on bed and a young doctor put her hands in to check the opening. She talked to her friend, another doctor, "I can stretch this to 4 cm. So she stretch my cervix. Is it painful? Yes, but bearable. But what amazed me the most is the doctor's expression. Nothing, no expression. She stretched the cervix with her eyes looking straight at my agony's face with zero emotion. I found it comical and I guess it helped to forget the pain. Hehe, thank you doctor.
OK, done. I stand up and there's blood on the bed. Huuu, the stretch cause bleeding. OK, cool she cool. I have this uneasy feelings everytime I saw blood. So I went back to my bed, laid there, and waiting for the contraction. Yet nothing happened. In the evening, my parent came and we were having a blast of rambutans and duku. With 4 cm opening, I thanked Allah for granting me a moment with my beloved to enjoy delicious foods before the probation period. That night went slow and smooth. No sign of contraction or any slight pains. So I went to bed early, before 10 pm I guess. Need to woke up early tomorrow.
It's 4 am, the nurse came to check baby's heart beat. Then, I performed qiamullai and recite the same dua' that I pray since I knew I was pregnant. Ease my pain. Ease my labor. Fasten the painful contraction. Quickened my cervix opening. Grant me affable staff during labor. Guide me if I am lost. To You, I leave the rest. I asked the nurse to check my opening, and it's still 4 cm. I went back to my bed, thinking of making a hot milo but too lazy to get my ass off bed. Hehe. So I laid there, reciting quran, zikr, and dua'. Nearly 6 am, I felt pain starting from the back. Oh my, its start from the back! Contraction! I rushed to the bathroom, took a bath, and stayed on bed. It's getting painful! Relax she relax, took a deep breath, remember the breathing technique, so do it! So here it is, the pain of contraction. About 7 plus am, the pain is even stronger. I tried to walk, as according to the nurse, it's better to walk instead of just lying in bed during contraction. Urgh, the pain is nearly unbearable so I hold tight to a pole near the toilet. I went to the nurse again and ask her, usually how many hours it takes for the cervix to open another cm? For new moms, usually 4 cm. I was like, what? Urm, is it OK if I want to check the opening again? But I just do it around 5.30 am this morning. Not yet 4 hours. Well, it's OK, depends on the moms.
So again, I went for a check up. It's 6 cm miss, we will wheeled you to labor room. Is your husband here yet? Have you eat? Take baby stuffs with you too OK. Fuuh, finally. Cool She, cool. Be hold. Remember Allah.
My husband has been here, I ate bread before so I guess it's enough. For the baby stuff, all you need is baby cloth, pampers, and a napkin. Before we went there, I manage to drink some zamzam water. She wheeled me there, and outside the ward, I see my husband. The nurse ask him to stay there, because later he will be called. Don't forget to bring your IC fathers!
In the labor room, a young dr came and ask several questions. I believe it's called clerking. then, she broke my fetal membrane. A nice warm water streaming out down there. It felt quite good actually. It's warm.
The contraction is getting stronger. I hold tight to the bed's pole on my side. A very nice young nurses apprentice from Unisza rub my back, ask me to take a deep breath, and hold my hand. Wherever you are dear nurses students, may Allah repay your kindness. My contraction is 4 in 10 minutes. Not long after that, a dr came and said, miss, do you ever take a pill or any medication for labor? I said, none. OK, the baby's head is not engaged yet, so hang in there. They were quite puzzled because the contraction is quite heavier though my cervix is 6 cm. Not long after that, I felt like pooping. So I told the young nurses there, but they told me to not push yet as the dr just now said the baby's head is not engage yet. OK, I kept my patience and hold the feeling of pooping. About 15 minutes later, I ask the nurse again *sorry, I ask to much because I really am in severe pain* to check my opening.
Another dr checked and said, OK, you can push at the next contraction. Eh? So the cervix opening is quite fast right? Whatever, not my biggest concern at the moment. They called my husband in, and yeay! huhu, got to see his face. He sat next to me and wearing a blue plastic robe. OK, here it is, the contraction came.
Bite lips, and push. The dr said push like you want to poop. Seriously, you felt nothing down there. Just remember how you push during poop, and just do it. Even you felt nothing happened down there. I did that, and the dr said, clever girl, you are doing it right! You are so good, and she kept praising and encouraging. If there's no pain of contraction, stop, don't push. Just said it to them, I don't feel any pain.
So I took that moment to chat with my husband. He asked me to tell him what should he do. Well, his presence means a lot. Just stand there next to me is a bliss. I look him in the eyes and said, I love you. Bajet romantic kan, Haha. But I glad I said that. He was flattered, of course. A good thing about he being there next to me is, he can direct me. Sometimes, I forgot to keep my head low, so he will remind me that. The dr ask my permission to do episiotomy, I let her do it. I push again with all my might. Don't stop pushing unless your contraction gone. I forgot how many times I had to push, I am sorry. Not my biggest concern back then.
Before my last push, the baby's head was visible. the dr asked my husband to have a look and see his hair. So I thought, OK She, just one more push. The contraction came, I pushed, then the docs stopped me for a while to check the cord, then after a few seconds, I asked her whether I can continue pushing or not. She asked me to push, then I pushed with just a little force, then, Subhanallah, my baby was born. It was 10 am, 9th of September 2013. Fuuuuh, lega. I received a mass congratulations from the staffs. My husband watched everything, and he was stunned by the whole process. They cleansed my baby and put him on my lap. I felt a warm glow of contentment. Unconditional love. Wait till you have a baby, then you will understand the beautiful meaning of it.
Everything went well. Allah granted my wishes. The contraction lasted for 4 to 5 hours. Pretty quick for a new mom. Allah granted me affable and helpful staffs. Thank you young nurses, senior nurses, and drs. I really hope we can meet again. May Allah bless all of you. Thank you, really, thank you.
So to wrap it all, Happy Mothers' day to me!
Hehe. To all mommies out there, especially my mom and mom in law, Happy Mothers' day! I heart you!
Friday, 2 May 2014
1. Drawer dividers from Iheartorganizing. Too much stuffs in the drawer right? Lepas ni jangan easily throw away all the boxes. 2. Laundry bag from Makingniceinthemidwest. I love laundry bags. Especially kalau yang comel2 corak bunga2 bagai. This one from sarung bantal. Nice. 3. Picture frames from Jennasuedesign. I love wooden frames. Boleh dapat yang murah di carboot sale and paint it white. Nampak mahal and neat. 4. Personalized boxes from Brit. Women love boxes. Kan? Kan? Sebab akan nampak lebih organized and sedap mata memandang. Yang penting comel. Till next time, happy weekend!
Saturday, 26 April 2014
"It is good to love many things,
for therein lies the true strength,
and whosoever loves much performs
much, and can accomplish much,
and what is done in love is well done."
-Vincent Van Gogh-
"You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never get hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth."
-William W. Purkey-
"Not all treasure is silver and gold..."
I love you both. My precious treasures.
"The voice of beauty speaks softly;
it creeps into only the most fully
"Love is a symbol of eternity.
It wipes out all sense of time,
destroying all memory of a
beginning and all fear of an end."